Today I watched a very frightening dream- I had lost my job, and I had lost it
before I could even get on to it!
This was exactly like what had happened with me in real life. I usually don't
remember my dreams, but when I watch some very deadly one, then it does gets
etched in my memory for the next day..... The tremendous, nerve wrecking
pressure on me in the dream, was exactly like what had happened with me in real
life about one year back.
Loss of job with Infosys had come as a deadly blow to me. I still remember
vividly- 3rd August was the day it was. I had to board my train for Bangalore
(Infosys Mysore campus) next day. In the afternoon, I was in market getting
some documents xeroxed, when I had got that dreaded call. The rest coming was
all horror for me. After the call ended, my mind had gone completely numb. (And
as I am writing it, I don't know why, I am almost in tears :( )
I made a phone call to one of my friend, he didn't pick up. I was not prepared
to go back home in this state. I went to a nearby empty play ground, parked my
bicycle, and just sat there on ground. My mind was reeling with hundreds of
fleeing dreadful thoughts- why did it happen only with me, why did it happen at
this moment, how will I cope up now, what will I tell my parents, what will I
do now, how will I get my next job now...... For the next half an hour, I just
sat there thinking,.... Well, No. Actually I couldn't think much at that time.
I was just trying to stabilize my minds from all those emotions. I hadn't
disclosed the matter to my parents yet- "the matter" as in the matter
which had led to the loss of my job. So this was another pressure on me, as to
how will they take this double shocking news- the loss of job, and the fact
that I had lied to them about my semester performance.
Finally, I made up my mind, decided to go back home. I knew it would be as
dreadful a news for them, as it was for me, but then I had to back up and break
it up to them. After all, I couldn't commit suicide!
I entered home, and noticed them preparing sweet dishes for me to take along
with me next day. My mother, along with my sister and one of her friend, was
hurrying through the works. The sight itself had brought tears into my
eyes..... How do I break the news to them? With a very heavy heart, I calmly
told- "Maa, hm kal nai jaibau" (Maa, I will not be going tomorrow).
After that I shortly told them to stop preparing those dishes for me and then
simply headed to take a sleep. In the evening, after waking up (had I been able
to sleep?), I told the matter in detail. It was a shock for them too.
But pressure on me was just unbearable . There was first anger of parents for
having lied to them about a matter which became the reason for this loss of
job. Then there was pressure of this loss of job. And added to that was the
worry, as to what do I do next?
The following times had been tormenting as hell. I get goosebumps when I think
of them. Personal pressure along with parental pressure had made the life hell
for me. Thank God, that I came out of it.
The whole incident made me reflect on my life. Why did it happen? I found that
it was due to my weakness to balance various jobs in my life, and also due to
me being extra emotional at times. I got too much involved in Rahul's and
Harshita's matters. This of course helped them a lot, which was what I always
wished, but those two events left a shocking impact on my career. I didn't know
how far to go. I couldn't decide how much I could give in to help them,keeping I
mind that I am able to save my own career from scratches. I got too much
emotionally involved in both the matters, I just lost hold of my ability to
balance my study life with non-study life.
Anyway, finally now, I am in a far better position than I had been, in those
dreadful times. I have got a job, and got it in an area which I always dreamed
to work in, and I have got a job in a very reputed company. The end is well,
and I am very thankful that those events didn't completely changed the course
of my life (as I was fearing). I am treading on the same professional life-path
which I always wished to :)
I learned a few very good lessons, and I finally reached where I wanted to.
It's just that I got delayed a bit. But then I don't mind it. After all, I can
take this much pain for saving a few lives. My career is important, but so are
some innocent lives. I don't regret my actions, it's just that I think I should
have acted a bit more judiciously. Hope I will, henceforth :)
