the Dream...

Today I watched a very frightening dream- I had lost my job, and I had lost it before I could even get on to it! 

This was exactly like what had happened with me in real life. I usually don't remember my dreams, but when I watch some very deadly one, then it does gets etched in my memory for the next day..... The tremendous, nerve wrecking pressure on me in the dream, was exactly like what had happened with me in real life about one year back. 

Loss of job with Infosys had come as a deadly blow to me. I still remember vividly- 3rd August was the day it was. I had to board my train for Bangalore (Infosys Mysore campus) next day. In the afternoon, I was in market getting some documents xeroxed, when I had got that dreaded call. The rest coming was all horror for me. After the call ended, my mind had gone completely numb. (And as I am writing it, I don't know why, I am almost in tears :( )

I made a phone call to one of my friend, he didn't pick up. I was not prepared to go back home in this state. I went to a nearby empty play ground, parked my bicycle, and just sat there on ground. My mind was reeling with hundreds of fleeing dreadful thoughts- why did it happen only with me, why did it happen at this moment, how will I cope up now, what will I tell my parents, what will I do now, how will I get my next job now...... For the next half an hour, I just sat there thinking,.... Well, No. Actually I couldn't think much at that time. I was just trying to stabilize my minds from all those emotions. I hadn't disclosed the matter to my parents yet- "the matter" as in the matter which had led to the loss of my job. So this was another pressure on me, as to how will they take this double shocking news- the loss of job, and the fact that I had lied to them about my semester performance. 
Finally, I made up my mind, decided to go back home. I knew it would be as dreadful a news for them, as it was for me, but then I had to back up and break it up to them. After all, I couldn't commit suicide! 

I entered home, and noticed them preparing sweet dishes for me to take along with me next day. My mother, along with my sister and one of her friend, was hurrying through the works. The sight itself had brought tears into my eyes..... How do I break the news to them? With a very heavy heart, I calmly told- "Maa, hm kal nai jaibau" (Maa, I will not be going tomorrow). After that I shortly told them to stop preparing those dishes for me and then simply headed to take a sleep. In the evening, after waking up (had I been able to sleep?), I told the matter in detail. It was a shock for them too. 
But pressure on me was just unbearable . There was first anger of parents for having lied to them about a matter which became the reason for this loss of job. Then there was pressure of this loss of job. And added to that was the worry, as to what do I do next? 

The following times had been tormenting as hell. I get goosebumps when I think of them. Personal pressure along with parental pressure had made the life hell for me. Thank God, that I came out of it.

The whole incident made me reflect on my life. Why did it happen? I found that it was due to my weakness to balance various jobs in my life, and also due to me being extra emotional at times. I got too much involved in Rahul's and Harshita's matters. This of course helped them a lot, which was what I always wished, but those two events left a shocking impact on my career. I didn't know how far to go. I couldn't decide how much I could give in to help them,keeping I mind that I am able to save my own career from scratches. I got too much emotionally involved in both the matters, I just lost hold of my ability to balance my study life with non-study life. 

Anyway, finally now, I am in a far better position than I had been, in those dreadful times. I have got a job, and got it in an area which I always dreamed to work in, and I have got a job in a very reputed company. The end is well, and I am very thankful that those events didn't completely changed the course of my life (as I was fearing). I am treading on the same professional life-path which I always wished to :) 
I learned a few very good lessons, and I finally reached where I wanted to. It's just that I got delayed a bit. But then I don't mind it. After all, I can take this much pain for saving a few lives. My career is important, but so are some innocent lives. I don't regret my actions, it's just that I think I should have acted a bit more judiciously. Hope I will, henceforth :)